There may not be another parenting technique that works at every age from birth to adulthood, is simple enough to explain in a couple of minutes at a well child visit, and that every parent can master in a few days.
Non-verbal touch is a technique where a parent catches their child doing a desired behavior, and taking care not to interrupt them gives them a gentle touch to reinforce that behavior. If your infant is staring at a brightly colored picture on the wall, rather than interrupt them to tell them about the nice red stripe or blue star, simply gently pat them on the head. If your three year old is working diligently to put the square peg in the square hole, rather than verbally encourage them simply gently pat their back. If your teen is reading a book rather than comment that you are happy they are reading rather than watching TV or playing Nintendo, simply quietly touch them lovingly on the foot or shoulder.
The key to this technique is to not interrupt the behavior you want to reinforce, and to do it ridiculously often. Experts say over 100 non-verbal reinforcing touches a day is ideal for young children. It will take an effort at first to become natural at this parenting technique, but with practice it will become second nature. Verbal encouragement is more effective to redirect a child to a desired behavior, or as praise after a desired behavior is completed. Non-verbal touch is used during the desired behavior to subtly reinforce the behavior and increase the chances of it being repeated.
I remember when we had our first baby. I was in the Army, stationed hundreds of miles from either of our families, and although I felt well trained as a family physician, we faced the same parenting dilemmas as every young parent. How to get the baby to sleep through the night, and later was our son ready to start kindergarten at barely 5 years old. I have found both as a parent and in giving advice to parents as a family doc tor that the “non-verbal touch” technique is extremely satisfying. This is a technique where a parent reinforces desired behavior by simply giving the child a non-verbal reassuring touch to encourage the behavior without interrupting the child. This can be done literally dozens of times daily with young children and is an excellent way to help children learn to play independently. Tseng and Biagioli in the July 16, 2009 American Family Physician present an excellent review of advice to family physicians on counseling parents on Early Childhood Concerns. Specifically they address sleep issues in young children, thumb sucking, picky eating, and school readiness. Here is one of the tables of data from that article
Table 1
American Academy of Sleep Medicine 2006 Guidelines for Prolonging Sleep in Infants
Lay the infant down to sleep at a designated time and do not respond to any crying until morning
Level 1
Graduated extinction
Gradually respond less frequently to the infant’s cries (e.g., initially respond within five minutes of crying, then space out the response to every 10 minutes, then longer)
Level 2
Bedtime routines
Maintain the same sleep and wake schedule daily
Level 1
Scheduled awakenings before expected awakening time
If the predicted awakening times for the infant are, for example, 1:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m., and 7:00 a.m., awaken the infant 15 minutes earlier than the predicted time; the infant will eventually sleep through the predicted times
note: Some methods listed may not be feasible for some families; for example, a family that lives in a thin-walled apartment complex may have complaints from neighbors if they attempt to let their infant cry through the night. Parents can try a method that fits with their values, culture, and living arrangement.
*— American Academy of Sleep Medicine classification of evidence: level 1 = high-quality randomized studies; level 2 = lower-quality randomized studies.
Information from reference
Thanks for reading this medical blog. Leave a comment and contribute to the discussion.
